Ahah! I'll be turning twenty-one like, in an hour and a half!

May the coming year be all well, so do everyone around me, and every single one of them on the planet, in this universe!? Hehe.

Good luck and all the best for exams! Fighting :D Thanks for calling me 4-flatter! I'll try harder xD.

P/s: since I'm turning twenty-one, err why not make a silly and romantic wish for myself, despite maintaining my status as a high achiever in my study? Be it like "I wish to meet someone who 's gonna smile when he sees me (:". Ahem ahem LOL. I already have couples of those people (; but let's wish for a special one hehe (I hear someone cheering out there LOL, yup the statement comes from me, the very me, doubt it not. "Le Le is a grown up now!!" Guess someone would say LOL)

Hey, Merry Christmas and I love you!

*To myself and everyone I love*

I'm a self-centered bastard.
I'm a self-centered bastard.
I'm a self-centered bastard.

Never forget this.

I will never want to be a self-centered bastard, anymore.

Thanks my dear friend.

Enlightened?

Just to be honest to myself, this isn't a good time to write an entry. There are works to be done and there are much obligations out there for me to complete, rather than allowing myself to spend time on this. But it is not going to take too long *giggles* and surely there's a reason why I insist on this.

Thank you sir, I'll pin this entry for myself forever, "...until the day I die...".

Went to see my lecturer today and I've tried to do a confession to him, with regards to my all-messed-up semester. I apologized and told him my reasons, and the things and problems (yea to be frank they are problems, I shall not try to make them look better by calling them "challenges" anymore) that I have been facing for the semester. They are no big deals, but they are there, no one could ever deny that.

And he accepted my explanations, "I'm glad that you talked to me, so at least I know what happened to you." Well he did notice that I'm a little different compared to the previous semester: a little off track, a little of procrastination, and somehow works and assignments with declined quality (even though he did convinced me that I'm still doing alright, still, I felt really sorry about that). I didn't show my feelings in front of him, but I really feel bad, and I felt really sorry, not only to him but for myself too, since my declination is obvious enough for him to detect. So I'm really declining, as for my study.

"You're one of the students that I have expectations put on . I really hope that you'll be able to maintain your CGPA and graduate with such results. Life will be bright ahead for you,"

"It is important that you learn about life despite focusing on your study, however, never forget your PRIORITY,"

"I once experienced what you're encountering right now, yet experience tells me, priority is still your study. You may join volunteers and societies and all. But study is still your priority. Graduate with excellent results doesn't grant you a happy life, but it does grant you a better path, and then at that time you'll be free to put more effort on the things you like, as you have no more worries. With your future guaranteed, you're free to do your volunteer, to join the things that you like and all. So THIS IS THE TIME for you to struggle and work harder, for the sake of being able to DO WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE FUTURE. You need to EARN that."

"Yes you need to have fun, you need to learn from life too, or else you'll be sad. I'll have to mention that too, as no one would like to hire someone who grad with a full 4.00 with nothing else in the CV; no co-curricular activities, zero, NO ONE, " he said.

"But still, study is still your priority."

I'm really sorry to have to make you saying all these to me. Yes you said I know what I have to do, and I really know, just that I'm really sorry to have to make you tell me all these once again... Sorry to make you disappointed, sorry to have made MYSELF disappointed.

Thank you sir, for reminding me of this. I have been distracted from my study, and I have tried to cover up all  my faults with the name of "learning about life". But the fact is, I have really been abusing my obligations as a student, which is to focus on my study. Thinks it is the time for me to face my problems, like for real.

"You decide on your path, and what to take with you along the path. Take those things that push you up, instead of those which pulls you down. And you'll keep taking and learning, until the day you die," he smiled. "And share that with your friends."

Well he didn't tell me those kind words like "I believe in you", "you're doing really good", but those gentle good advice which are indeed constructive, and make you alert. Perhaps I shall print this page-long entry out, and make it my everyday bedtime reading material, as for self-reflection and also to remind myself of my very important obligation for the moment, my study. 

I shall be happy and grateful that I have a teacher (yea you're teaching me a lot, so you're a teacher to me) who believes in my potential to get a 4.00 for my study *chuckles* and I shall always keep that in mind. I won't want to fail him, or myself, or anyone. Just to keep that in mind.

I did cried when I was typing all these out (thanks to the old weather, people think I'm only sneezing, so the crying part wasn't obvious), but just keep your feelings now in mind, you're not crying because you're being emotional or sad, instead you're being grateful and determined. Yes, so you remember what to do the next, starting from this moment.

And the one last very cute thing he mentioned to me, well it was before I told him my situation, "Is it that you've got yourself a boyfriend now?" (So I look like I'm troubled because I got myself a boyfriend?) "Err, nope." "Oh okay then that is fine. Try not to get involved with one at the moment, err how old are you right now?" I replied, "twenty." "Oh my then it is dangerous, but have you previously involve with one?" "Err, nope." "Oh my then it is even more dangerous, " he laughed it off. "So really, try not to fall into that trap yet, it will be hard for you to get out. That can wait."

Okay so my lecturer told me not to fall in love yet *laughed out loud*. Well I do hope that I can control that. "Distractions are here and there,"he said. 

Well sir, I know, I know.

Once again, thank you sir for letting me to pour the things out and knowing that you knew what has happened to me ease my feelings like, a lot. 

"I'll have to talk to you sir, to make sure that you understand and do not have biased view against me; or else I'll keep abusing myself, emotionally." 

"Never do that," he laughed it off again. "Never emotionally abuse yourself."

Oh ya and one more thing. "You may change your attitude, but never lost your identity."

Thank you sir, THANK YOU (:

What else can I say. I'm grateful to be a psychology student. You paid you school fees like others, but you got extra counsel from your lecturers. Psychologists are expensive out there :p

I just posted it up here as I don't wanna miss it again (:
It's not from me, but I love those lines *smiles*.

Or shall I say, I shall date someone who understands a girl who reads.

“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.” 
― Rosemarie Urquico

Shall I say, dear, thank you for being such a good friend (:

I am a sensitive kid, thanks for knowing it and assured me that you won't get tired of me - "as you're my friend".

Good luck for our assignments, and everything. Bless ya!

Tribute to that little girl who used to love adventures and were dare to dream whatever she wanted to dream. I missed her, like really.

Life has been a hustle bustle for me, like it always does. I have tried to make my ordinary life a little different recently, and it turns out that there is still much out there for me to learn; whilst knowing the fact that you're not competent enough is sometimes painful. But it's better than nothing. At least I've known what to be done, instead of lying on my own laurels and thinking of myself a perfect girl. I'm not perfect, no one is.

Oh gosh, that sounds a little emotional, but eh no! I'm not *chuckles*. I'm happy today, as I've accidentally found some missing pieces of me this morning, which reminds me of the many things I promised myself to achieve when I was younger, yet oblivion took their place.

I've promised myself a trip to Egypt when I was much younger. Yet now I am influenced by all those medias and popular cultures that of all places that I want to visit now is Taiwan or Korea, instead of my old mysterious Egypt, what is wrong with me?

I used to love to read through all those books which told me about paintings, history and culture. Yet now I only read fictions and textbook, (ah and Facebook!) instead of my old interest which actually granted me with a broader vision of the world. I used to love that, and what is wrong with me?

I used to dream of being a writer, an author, and now I have totally forgotten about that. (Even blogging or diary writing is a rare for me). What is wrong with me?

Well there is nothing wrong with me, all that happened is that, "I have grown up".

I've been spending much of my time tracing back my old memories recently while chit chatting with my friends, and I found myself so much cuter when I was a lot younger. (Only if you are willing to hear about it, I do have a great childhood with lots of hilarious "achievement".) Remembering a quote from Mark Twain, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect” and voila! I'm definitely on the side of majority now. I've forgotten my old self, my old unique and rebellious self! And I'll have to admit that I miss her much!

Maybe I could find her, little by little, and grant her my promises to colour her life. Sorry for being forgetful, that is a stupid excuse though. And growing up doesn't mean that you'll need to put aside all the fantasies in your life, so abandon such excuses, and be dare to dream!

I love you girl. Please love yourself and your life!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Just try a little harder? (:

I just found out that I have never, once in my life, been thinking about becoming an efficient person. Perhaps it's finally time for some changes? Let's see, let's see.

A softened and tender heart or a more vulnerable self? Well I'm clueless. But I hope it's the previous one rather than the latter. 

Am I becoming sentimental? I doubted it. It's probably the PMS. LOL.

Feelings can be reignited. I'm in love with this song again, after so long.

I feel old, like seriously.
John Green's books are good, but they're all about teenagers and stories that I no longer interested in. (Guess The Fault in Our Stars makes an exception though, can't help recommending this.)
And I feel like selling off my whole set (almost, eight books collected) of House of Night because I know I won't be reading them anymore.

But way too old, I guess. Hell knows why a twenty-year-old will like staying at home, sipping some tea and reads some couple of books.
Going back to college life soon. Then I'll be the younger me LOL. P/s: btw, gotta grab a dozen of highlighters before I got back duhh...

Watch your words.

Well this is what I'd like to remind myself from time to time, as I recently realize how important it actually is (;

It's all about life.

I was a lil' driven away just now, while scrolling through the blog entries of my love ones. I couldn't help but smiled when I realize that I am still sitting by the book racks in the library.

Life could always be that easy and pleasurable, isn't that so?

Been a lil' moody these days. And I admit that it was of the utmost stupidity *laughed*.

Blinded by your emotions and affections, that you have forgotten that there are so much more about life! There aren't just assignments, exams and duties. Instead, there are the enthusiasm to learn, to love and to feel, all about your life!

I have almost (well indeed, I did forget) forgotten the promise that I have made myself around a year ago, which is to stop whining about my life. But of course, as feelings are also a part of your life, you can't deny the presence of those emotions who makes you a human, not a tree. Sometimes, to slow down a little and to look back at the past do offer you with some insights and what you  called a "finger-snapping" moment.

With lots of loves and hopes, please do cherish the every single moment of your life (:

I'm a blessed kid, aren't you one?

So recently I have moved back to the era where no one blog and tell everyone how they've been.

So you say, "Nah, I know that you are just getting lazier."

Nope, seriously, no.
I've never stop recording my life but instead of blogging everyday (I would like to, but it's illegal to do anything non-academic these days duhh.. under the context of piled-up assignments), I'm now embracing the old-school kind of writing, and I meant it literally, WRITING.

It feels nice and warm (:
And my handwriting is so nice and neat and artistic I can't help myself admiring it lmao!
And seeing one of my friends doing so, I feel like re-practicing my letter writing hobby!
I used to love it so much, and yet now I failed to send even a simple greeting card these days.

Hmm I have someone to write to, yet I haven't have time to pick up a nice postcard. I'm sorry girl but I promise this time I won't break my promise *grinned*

Feels nice to pick up some girly girls' hobby haha.

P/s: Anyway, I still love sharing my life. Won't stop creating new entries!

Happy Birthday To Me

Hoho Little Miss Bad made my day! Thanks for this unexpected gift which sort of
brings up my childhood memories! (Note my blog title)

Well erm... Happy Belated Birthday to myself *grinning, widely*

And all the love and kisses for my mum, thanks for bringing me to this world and made me who I am today.

I LOVE you.

I'm a blessed and loved kid.

Without a doubt.

Thanks my cute roomie MARGARET and her DWF gang for the
delicious tiramisu cake which is nowhere to be seen in this photo
 (eaten, obviously). Thanks for the advanced birthday celebration!!

A third year to celebrate my birthday away from home.

A big THANK YOU to all my friends and family, for you make my birthday memorable and warm. I HEART you (;

Celebrating my first birthday in Sabah is something I never expected.

Just like I never expected that I'll enroll in psych course in UMS.

And just like I never expected to meet y'all!

OMG OMG mum I'm becoming famous! :p
 Ahh it feels so awkward when your selfies are put on screen.

Oops sorry!

Thanks for the BIG birthday surprise today yesterday on my birthday (:

I didn't go all teary but I'm deeply touched, really.

And the little hilarious accident.

I'll just boxed them all up, all my memories, and keep them nicely.

This is the greatest gift that you guys gave me.

Friendship and care. That's all I need.

Thank you!!

And a special thanks to the girl behind with two big Vs to being such a good friend and having good acting skills haha (:

Well and last:

P/s: Should blog more eh! Night people. Night world. I love you!