Ahah! I'll be turning twenty-one like, in an hour and a half!

May the coming year be all well, so do everyone around me, and every single one of them on the planet, in this universe!? Hehe.

Good luck and all the best for exams! Fighting :D Thanks for calling me 4-flatter! I'll try harder xD.

P/s: since I'm turning twenty-one, err why not make a silly and romantic wish for myself, despite maintaining my status as a high achiever in my study? Be it like "I wish to meet someone who 's gonna smile when he sees me (:". Ahem ahem LOL. I already have couples of those people (; but let's wish for a special one hehe (I hear someone cheering out there LOL, yup the statement comes from me, the very me, doubt it not. "Le Le is a grown up now!!" Guess someone would say LOL)

Hey, Merry Christmas and I love you!

*To myself and everyone I love*

I'm a self-centered bastard.
I'm a self-centered bastard.
I'm a self-centered bastard.

Never forget this.

I will never want to be a self-centered bastard, anymore.

Thanks my dear friend.

Enlightened?

Just to be honest to myself, this isn't a good time to write an entry. There are works to be done and there are much obligations out there for me to complete, rather than allowing myself to spend time on this. But it is not going to take too long *giggles* and surely there's a reason why I insist on this.

Thank you sir, I'll pin this entry for myself forever, "...until the day I die...".

Went to see my lecturer today and I've tried to do a confession to him, with regards to my all-messed-up semester. I apologized and told him my reasons, and the things and problems (yea to be frank they are problems, I shall not try to make them look better by calling them "challenges" anymore) that I have been facing for the semester. They are no big deals, but they are there, no one could ever deny that.

And he accepted my explanations, "I'm glad that you talked to me, so at least I know what happened to you." Well he did notice that I'm a little different compared to the previous semester: a little off track, a little of procrastination, and somehow works and assignments with declined quality (even though he did convinced me that I'm still doing alright, still, I felt really sorry about that). I didn't show my feelings in front of him, but I really feel bad, and I felt really sorry, not only to him but for myself too, since my declination is obvious enough for him to detect. So I'm really declining, as for my study.

"You're one of the students that I have expectations put on . I really hope that you'll be able to maintain your CGPA and graduate with such results. Life will be bright ahead for you,"

"It is important that you learn about life despite focusing on your study, however, never forget your PRIORITY,"

"I once experienced what you're encountering right now, yet experience tells me, priority is still your study. You may join volunteers and societies and all. But study is still your priority. Graduate with excellent results doesn't grant you a happy life, but it does grant you a better path, and then at that time you'll be free to put more effort on the things you like, as you have no more worries. With your future guaranteed, you're free to do your volunteer, to join the things that you like and all. So THIS IS THE TIME for you to struggle and work harder, for the sake of being able to DO WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE FUTURE. You need to EARN that."

"Yes you need to have fun, you need to learn from life too, or else you'll be sad. I'll have to mention that too, as no one would like to hire someone who grad with a full 4.00 with nothing else in the CV; no co-curricular activities, zero, NO ONE, " he said.

"But still, study is still your priority."

I'm really sorry to have to make you saying all these to me. Yes you said I know what I have to do, and I really know, just that I'm really sorry to have to make you tell me all these once again... Sorry to make you disappointed, sorry to have made MYSELF disappointed.

Thank you sir, for reminding me of this. I have been distracted from my study, and I have tried to cover up all  my faults with the name of "learning about life". But the fact is, I have really been abusing my obligations as a student, which is to focus on my study. Thinks it is the time for me to face my problems, like for real.

"You decide on your path, and what to take with you along the path. Take those things that push you up, instead of those which pulls you down. And you'll keep taking and learning, until the day you die," he smiled. "And share that with your friends."

Well he didn't tell me those kind words like "I believe in you", "you're doing really good", but those gentle good advice which are indeed constructive, and make you alert. Perhaps I shall print this page-long entry out, and make it my everyday bedtime reading material, as for self-reflection and also to remind myself of my very important obligation for the moment, my study. 

I shall be happy and grateful that I have a teacher (yea you're teaching me a lot, so you're a teacher to me) who believes in my potential to get a 4.00 for my study *chuckles* and I shall always keep that in mind. I won't want to fail him, or myself, or anyone. Just to keep that in mind.

I did cried when I was typing all these out (thanks to the old weather, people think I'm only sneezing, so the crying part wasn't obvious), but just keep your feelings now in mind, you're not crying because you're being emotional or sad, instead you're being grateful and determined. Yes, so you remember what to do the next, starting from this moment.

And the one last very cute thing he mentioned to me, well it was before I told him my situation, "Is it that you've got yourself a boyfriend now?" (So I look like I'm troubled because I got myself a boyfriend?) "Err, nope." "Oh okay then that is fine. Try not to get involved with one at the moment, err how old are you right now?" I replied, "twenty." "Oh my then it is dangerous, but have you previously involve with one?" "Err, nope." "Oh my then it is even more dangerous, " he laughed it off. "So really, try not to fall into that trap yet, it will be hard for you to get out. That can wait."

Okay so my lecturer told me not to fall in love yet *laughed out loud*. Well I do hope that I can control that. "Distractions are here and there,"he said. 

Well sir, I know, I know.

Once again, thank you sir for letting me to pour the things out and knowing that you knew what has happened to me ease my feelings like, a lot. 

"I'll have to talk to you sir, to make sure that you understand and do not have biased view against me; or else I'll keep abusing myself, emotionally." 

"Never do that," he laughed it off again. "Never emotionally abuse yourself."

Oh ya and one more thing. "You may change your attitude, but never lost your identity."

Thank you sir, THANK YOU (:

What else can I say. I'm grateful to be a psychology student. You paid you school fees like others, but you got extra counsel from your lecturers. Psychologists are expensive out there :p