Enlightened?

Just to be honest to myself, this isn't a good time to write an entry. There are works to be done and there are much obligations out there for me to complete, rather than allowing myself to spend time on this. But it is not going to take too long *giggles* and surely there's a reason why I insist on this.

Thank you sir, I'll pin this entry for myself forever, "...until the day I die...".

Went to see my lecturer today and I've tried to do a confession to him, with regards to my all-messed-up semester. I apologized and told him my reasons, and the things and problems (yea to be frank they are problems, I shall not try to make them look better by calling them "challenges" anymore) that I have been facing for the semester. They are no big deals, but they are there, no one could ever deny that.

And he accepted my explanations, "I'm glad that you talked to me, so at least I know what happened to you." Well he did notice that I'm a little different compared to the previous semester: a little off track, a little of procrastination, and somehow works and assignments with declined quality (even though he did convinced me that I'm still doing alright, still, I felt really sorry about that). I didn't show my feelings in front of him, but I really feel bad, and I felt really sorry, not only to him but for myself too, since my declination is obvious enough for him to detect. So I'm really declining, as for my study.

"You're one of the students that I have expectations put on . I really hope that you'll be able to maintain your CGPA and graduate with such results. Life will be bright ahead for you,"

"It is important that you learn about life despite focusing on your study, however, never forget your PRIORITY,"

"I once experienced what you're encountering right now, yet experience tells me, priority is still your study. You may join volunteers and societies and all. But study is still your priority. Graduate with excellent results doesn't grant you a happy life, but it does grant you a better path, and then at that time you'll be free to put more effort on the things you like, as you have no more worries. With your future guaranteed, you're free to do your volunteer, to join the things that you like and all. So THIS IS THE TIME for you to struggle and work harder, for the sake of being able to DO WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE FUTURE. You need to EARN that."

"Yes you need to have fun, you need to learn from life too, or else you'll be sad. I'll have to mention that too, as no one would like to hire someone who grad with a full 4.00 with nothing else in the CV; no co-curricular activities, zero, NO ONE, " he said.

"But still, study is still your priority."

I'm really sorry to have to make you saying all these to me. Yes you said I know what I have to do, and I really know, just that I'm really sorry to have to make you tell me all these once again... Sorry to make you disappointed, sorry to have made MYSELF disappointed.

Thank you sir, for reminding me of this. I have been distracted from my study, and I have tried to cover up all  my faults with the name of "learning about life". But the fact is, I have really been abusing my obligations as a student, which is to focus on my study. Thinks it is the time for me to face my problems, like for real.

"You decide on your path, and what to take with you along the path. Take those things that push you up, instead of those which pulls you down. And you'll keep taking and learning, until the day you die," he smiled. "And share that with your friends."

Well he didn't tell me those kind words like "I believe in you", "you're doing really good", but those gentle good advice which are indeed constructive, and make you alert. Perhaps I shall print this page-long entry out, and make it my everyday bedtime reading material, as for self-reflection and also to remind myself of my very important obligation for the moment, my study. 

I shall be happy and grateful that I have a teacher (yea you're teaching me a lot, so you're a teacher to me) who believes in my potential to get a 4.00 for my study *chuckles* and I shall always keep that in mind. I won't want to fail him, or myself, or anyone. Just to keep that in mind.

I did cried when I was typing all these out (thanks to the old weather, people think I'm only sneezing, so the crying part wasn't obvious), but just keep your feelings now in mind, you're not crying because you're being emotional or sad, instead you're being grateful and determined. Yes, so you remember what to do the next, starting from this moment.

And the one last very cute thing he mentioned to me, well it was before I told him my situation, "Is it that you've got yourself a boyfriend now?" (So I look like I'm troubled because I got myself a boyfriend?) "Err, nope." "Oh okay then that is fine. Try not to get involved with one at the moment, err how old are you right now?" I replied, "twenty." "Oh my then it is dangerous, but have you previously involve with one?" "Err, nope." "Oh my then it is even more dangerous, " he laughed it off. "So really, try not to fall into that trap yet, it will be hard for you to get out. That can wait."

Okay so my lecturer told me not to fall in love yet *laughed out loud*. Well I do hope that I can control that. "Distractions are here and there,"he said. 

Well sir, I know, I know.

Once again, thank you sir for letting me to pour the things out and knowing that you knew what has happened to me ease my feelings like, a lot. 

"I'll have to talk to you sir, to make sure that you understand and do not have biased view against me; or else I'll keep abusing myself, emotionally." 

"Never do that," he laughed it off again. "Never emotionally abuse yourself."

Oh ya and one more thing. "You may change your attitude, but never lost your identity."

Thank you sir, THANK YOU (:

What else can I say. I'm grateful to be a psychology student. You paid you school fees like others, but you got extra counsel from your lecturers. Psychologists are expensive out there :p

I just posted it up here as I don't wanna miss it again (:
It's not from me, but I love those lines *smiles*.

Or shall I say, I shall date someone who understands a girl who reads.

“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.” 
― Rosemarie Urquico

Shall I say, dear, thank you for being such a good friend (:

I am a sensitive kid, thanks for knowing it and assured me that you won't get tired of me - "as you're my friend".

Good luck for our assignments, and everything. Bless ya!